Family estrangement seems to be all over the news these days. Everyone has a hot take.
On one side:
The middle generation — Millennials and Gen Z — have gone to individual therapy, have followed wellness influencers on Instagram, have read The Body Keeps The Score. They prioritize self-care and setting boundaries for their own peace of mind.
In conflicts with their parents, they struggle to feel heard and respected. They wonder, “Is my parent a narcissist? I’m not sure they are even capable of seeing me as a separate person from themselves. Why won’t they respect my boundaries?”
Maybe they have found an expert on trauma who suggests one option — the last resort — if your parents don’t respect your boundaries, if they continue to hurt you, if they’re not open to change, the best option for your mental health might be to go Low or No Contact. They are wondering if this is right for them.
On the other side:
Their parents’ generation grew up in a different time. The Baby Boomers are no strangers to cultural change: they lived through the 1960s and the social movements of their day. Heck, they even saw the beginning of psychotherapy culture and the rise of self-help.
But this family estrangement stuff is new to them. They grew up in an era where the family was changing: traditional hierarchies had largely collapsed, and maybe they even raised their own kids more as friends and confidants. They sure did better than their own parents did!
So, they don’t really know what their kids mean when they say, “Respect my boundaries!” They’re confused why it sounds like such an ultimatum. After all, family sticks together no matter what, right? And what did they even do wrong, anyway, besides love their child too much? They find other parents online all asking the same question: “Is this some kind of TikTok trend?”
What does a family therapist think?
I see the good intentions behind each side: the attempts to reach out and be understood by the other, the desire to remain in connection. But I also see two sides talking right past each other and hitting a wall where all communication breaks down.
Hi, I’m Danni.
In my family therapy practice, I’ve worked with dozens of families who’ve felt like they have an irreparable rift deepening between them.
I believe: Families need skills to do the work of relational repair. Of course there are families where there has been abuse or harm that is irreparable, and, in these cases, estrangement is the safest option. There are also families where growth is possible, accountability is possible, and repair is possible - families simply never learned the skills to communicate about past hurts and repair the connection.
The cultural field we are in often perpetuates this disconnection. Each side has their own corners of the internet that serve as echo chambers to polarize the family further into their respective sides. Oddly enough, they generally say the same things: “Our parents are self-centered narcissists!” & “Our adult children are self-centered narcissists!”
I help families move beyond the shame and blame — on both sides — to truly listen to each other’s hurts, take accountability for their part in it, and move forward toward reconnection.
I have the knowledge and skills to bridge the cultural and psychological divide between families — but this is not an offer of therapy. I have created this program to share that knowledge and those skills with you. Keep reading if you’re interested…
Prepare to Repair is a 6-week course on family estrangement — designed and run by a family therapist who specializes in relationship repair.
This course will teach you the steps involved in relationship repair, focusing on the individual, internal work before you begin. The skills include the ability to communicate feelings without shaming; to listen non-defensively; to take true accountability for the hurt you caused; and to allow yourself to be meaningfully impacted by the other.
I help families move past the past.
The program will meet live Tuesdays on Zoom from 4pm - 5:30pm PT (7pm - 8:30pm ET) the following 6 weeks.
Tues, April 1, 2025
Tues, April 8, 2025
Tues, April 15, 2025
Tues, April 22, 2025
Tues, April 29, 2025
Tues, May 6, 2025
The total cost for the 6 weeks is $540. That comes out to $90 per week.
Course Outline:
Here is a week-by-week breakdown of what you’ll learn in Prepare to Repair. This course draws on various psychological and psychodynamic theories, as well as theories from family systems.
This program is for you if:
You are curious about repairing a relationship with a family member but not sure if it’s possible or even what you want. This program will help you get clear on both the benefits and the limitations of family reconnection. Of course I cannot and will not guarantee that your family will repair or the other person/people will take accountability. But I will give you tools and activities to reflect on whether the risk is worth the attempt — for you.
You are willing to look at your how you might have contributed to the rupture - not to shame you, but to see the full picture. As a systems therapist, I believe we all play some part in any relational dynamic — and that repairing a relationship requires us to understand the role we each play, not to remain stuck in shame but to take different actions moving forward.
You want to learn more about the process of repairing estrangement before deciding to move forward. That’s exactly what this course is for!
This program is NOT for you if:
You are estranged from family, are certain that is the right decision for you, and you are not looking to repair the relationship. I fully support your decision and trust your assessment that the relationship is not salvageable. I will never push anyone to repair a relationship or reach out to an estranged family member without their consent.
The family relationship you’re considering repairing involves abuse. The dynamics of abuse are more complicated than what my framework is able to address. I am happy to share resources to support you in your difficult situation.
You are looking for a place to share your personal story of family estrangement and find support. While I absolutely recognize the need for support, sharing personal stories and receiving support is not the intention of the course I have created. I am happy to share resources to help you find a place for the support you need.
Hi, I’m Danni.
I work day in and day out with families in the process of repairing their connection. I created this course as preparatory groundwork for folks deciding whether to engage in family repair.
I am a graduate school psychology professor and former department chair. I have a long history designing and teaching courses such as: Human Development, Family Therapy, Child Therapy, and Psychopathology.
I bring my skills, knowledge, and experience as a family therapist and professor to this course: teaching you the basics of family estrangement and relational repair in an accessible, approachable, and engaging way.
“Danni’s authenticity is impeccable.”
—R., a former student
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No, this program is not therapy. It is a psychoeducational course.
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Yes, there is an option to purchase an an add-of of individual time with me.
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Each week will be recorded and you can watch the recording later.
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That is the primary lens, but it will include tools relevant for repairing sibling relationships and other family relationships. It is designed to focus on adults, however, not children or teens.